OK, so you're thinking about working with an independent celebrant to create and conduct the ceremony on the biggest day of your life. Excellent! But how does it all work?
When I work with couples, I send them two questionnaires for them to complete a few months before the ceremony. One is all about them, how they feel about each other, how they met, what happened at the proposal, etc. They can either complete this together or individually (there may be some things they want to keep secret until they are shared at the ceremony).
Couples choosing my Short and Sweet ceremony have a shortened version of this questionnaire giving me a few snippets of personal information to weave into their ceremony here and there.
The other questionnaire is all about the practicalities of their ceremony - all the people involved, any readings they’d like, the music they are choosing, etc. I love it when couples send it back to me with wine/beer/pizza stains all over it, crumpled corners or notes about other stuff scribbled in the margins - this tells me it’s been hanging around on the kitchen work top or coffee table for a while, being picked up, put down, bickered about, pondered over and generally being the focal point for the many, many decisions that have to be made.
These questionnaires start the ball rolling and then we have a Planning Meeting where we sit down and go through everything, piecing together the whole ceremony. This meeting takes between one and two hours, depending on whether you have chosen a Short and Sweet, Calluna or Calluna Plus package and we typically aim to hold that meeting about 3 - 4 months before your big day.
We’ll discuss the features that you’d like to include in your ceremony to make it completely yours. These include things like:
Readings: written and/or performed by one or more guests. There's nothing quite like a poem written and read by the Mother of the Bride to bring a tear to the eye.
A reading could be a poem, an extract from a favourite book, some lines from a movie - I’ve even seen the lyrics of a special song being read by a guest - magical!
Photo of guest with reading courtesy of loveand bloom.co.uk
Ribbon handtying: this involves some of your guests draping a ribbon, cord or a piece of fabric over your joined hands. Either your guests can bring items which are meaningful, or I can provide them to your brief. I’ve even done this where every single one of the 50 or so guests contributed - that was pretty special for everyone in the room.
Photo of couple courtesy of loveand bloom.co.uk
Ring warming: this involves your wedding rings being passed round from guest to guest in an organza bag so that everyone in the room can fill your rings with love and good wishes. This happens in the background while the ceremony is taking place and we all keep our fingers crossed that they return to the ring bearer just in time for the rings exchange!
Photo of ring warming courtesy of loveand bloom.co.uk
Keepsake certificate signing: most couples choose to include this in their ceremony (but you don't have to). Towards the end of the ceremony, after The Kiss, the couple sign a commemorative keepsake document as a record of the occasion. They can have up to six other people sign with them. Since it's a symbolic rather than legal document, there are no rules about who can and cannot sign, even a pet can leave their paw print...
Other features include:
Sand ceremony: this involves you pouring sand from your own individual containers into a joint vessel, in layers to begin with, and then pouring it in together to symbolise your lives coming together. A visual reminder of who you are as individuals and as a couple.
Unity candle ceremony: this is similar in a way to the sand ceremony. A representative from each of your two families lights a candle at the beginning of the ceremony and then at the appropriate point, the couple each take their ‘family’ candle and together light the ‘unity’ candle.
You can also invent your own ritual if you want to. I’d love to hear all your ideas too.
When I’ve gathered information and ideas from our planning meeting, I’ll send you a ceremony brief which summarises all the key components that we discussed. This gives you the chance to check that I’ve understood everything correctly and you can amend or add to this so that we are 100% on the same page right from the start.
At the same time, I’ll also send you a draft outline for your ceremony showing you how it might flow, with approximate timings, and the draft personalised wording which is specific to you.
I give you plenty of time to review all of this information and to come back to me with any corrections or amendments. I love it when the initial reaction is "it made us giggle..."
And then we pass it back and forth until you’re 100% happy with what will be said and what will happen at your ceremony, aiming for the whole thing to be signed off by you around 6 weeks before your ceremony (at which point, when your account is settled, I send you the full ceremony script). That way you can relax about it, knowing it’s all sorted.
There are no rules and no blueprint - it's entirely up to you how your ceremony is designed. With experience of hundreds of weddings under my belt, I’ll be able to offer suggestions and help find solutions or alternatives if something might not be workable on the day.
Oh, and if you have someone on your team who would be perfect for conducting your ceremony but needs a wee bit of help to write it, you might be interested in my Ceremony Script Writing service.
If you’d like to know more about how I work with couples to create truly unique and personalised ceremonies, please contact me here and let’s arrange a chat.